Thursday, March 06, 2008

Part 2: He still has a wife

Thanks for all the calls since Kyle's last post. No, I am not leaving or going back to Utah. But here’s a little window into some things I’ve been thinking about lately.

When Kyle and I met we had an instant connection and fell madly in love. We knew he was going to be leaving on a mission, and so each moment counted. We rode singletrack, held hands, wrote love letters. We ate good food, watched the stars, walked the beach, and so much more.

Looking back, that year is priceless to me because it was a time when I felt really alive and happy. No burdens. No immediate cares. It just was what it was.

Kyle came home from his mission June 2 and we were married August 16. And somehow between then and now our relationship was hijacked. Our mantra has blurred from “I love you and will do anything for you” to “I love you but let’s be practical and responsible about it.”

Now, I’m all about being practical and responsible. But those two traits can grow into monsters capable of and suffocating the life, the aliveness, out of a marriage.

So essentially, I’ve had it. Not with Kyle, but with where we’re at and how I’ve been feeling lately. I’m not trading another bit of youth and health and passion and love for something that I won’t remember or will simply add another dollar to my bottom line.

And to be fair, Kyle has had it too. His main complaint is, “Whenever you have free time all you want to do is sleep.” And he’s right. I’m exhausted. The work, the moving, the kids, the school, the traveling . . . I just don’t have enough to go around.

So, together we’ve drawn our line in the sand. We’re selling the house. We’re downsizing. We’re simplifying. We’re going to live on less and do more.

I tell clients all the time: “If you want to keep your customers, you need to surprise and delight them.” It’s about the little things. The thoughtful things. The “I just did a little something to make your life better” things. Why should it be any different with marriage?

So speaking of clients, I officially stopped work with Dialect and American Express today in hopes of freeing up time to bring my marriage back to life. A hard decision, but I’ve been smiling all day.

Kyle and I have both put a lot on hold to get him through school debt free and to start a family. But we’re at the point where we’re not willing to put some things on hold any longer. Like time. Like passion. Like the little things.

Does any of this make sense?

Kyle, I love you babe. Here’s to the line in the sand and returning to our roots.

3 comments:

Becky said...

way to go on quiting your job Brit. It's time for you to be who you want to be and who I know you are. Don't sweat the small stuff but never look back, your not going that way. I love you.

Becky said...

Oh ya, the small stuff. . . To Kyle- The small simple things mean the world to your wife so give her lots of fun little surprises. Remember before I met Mike I was looking for "my Kyle." Be that Kyle that all of us girls wanted for our own husband! Your awesome!

dishka said...

WOW whatta post. I feel both inspired and humbled. Joe and I are at a point in our marriage where we finally feel like we can financially loosen up, but at the same time my brain still works on an income from years ago. It's taken a lot for him to convince me that it isn't all about the numbers...financially but it is about numbers. For instance I can tell you the amount of our house note, the cost of our monthy groceries and how many more miles I can drive with the fuel light on what I couldn't tell you was how many times Megyn gave me a hug, how often James said look what I can do and I actually looked, how many kisses Mark gave me or how many grins I got from Abby in a day. It all became a blur and the most important things became the second most important. They heard a lot of "not right now" or "this isn't the right time" or "just one minute" as I shoved them aside to obsess a little longer over the check book trying to see where else I can pinch a penny. My wake up call was when Megyn had a question, it was pretty important and she said "Mom, is now a good time to talk to you" My heart broke. Where in the world were my priorities! I know Im going on my own little rant and my issue is not so much improving my marriage, but my relationship with my kids. Not to say my marriage doesn't need some tlc too ;) Brittney, I admire you so much for always being able to recognize what needs to be done at what always seems to be the right time. I know we didn't hang out much as I'm a hermit but I do miss you. Keep on bloggin' so I can keep up with how things are going.